Do not go gentle into that good night

There are moments that will tell you to do things in a certain way. It will pull you like a magnet, right? If I have this slight feeling of numbness where i dont feel anything happy or sad, my hands just go to this one movie called "Kumbalangi Nights". It will make me feel something, some instance of being grateful or a kind of feeling you will have in love right? Just feels like two people sitting in the beach but talking nothing kinda and the silence will never bother! Thats what February did to me, the silence was more gentle, i felt content, and better. (Ed Sheeran, Interstellar, Valentines day, Chaos theory and a lot more)

Hearts Don't Break Around Here - An Ed Sheeran Fantasy

Before we get into it, let’s set the context. I know this man after his famous phase - "Shape of you", and also because of one song—"Photograph." And trust me, that song is coming with me to the grave. Randomly, last year, I found myself looping through his entire X album, and for months, I just couldn’t stop. So when he announced his tour in India, I lost my mind and literally spent so much that i can't even offord in a span of seconds because i was high.

And let me tell you—it was everything. Somehow, it was even better than I imagined. I sobbed, laughed, and lived the best night with my two girls, who only came because I asked them to (thank you S and M, I owe you, girls).

I think what makes Ed Sheeran my favorite artist is exactly this—there’s no unnecessary drama, no over-the-top persona. He’s just this happy little cupcake covered in colorful tattoos, writing music, turning pink when he hits those high notes, and making the world feel lighter. Music has this weird way of bending time—freezing moments, making them last forever. And the dopamine rush? Who would’ve thought A.R. Rahman would walk in, and these two incredible humans would share a stage? That was my full LIFE IS A CIRCLE moment. And Jonita Gandhi opening? Unreal. I have so much more to say, but all I know is—it was the best day I’ve had in a long time.

Sheer Luck or Chaos Theory?

Maybe I’ll write a full blog on this someday, but right now, I just want to put this out there—for anyone who feels unseen, unrecognized, and unvalidated. My best friends (and I mean literally everyone I know) have told me this at some point: most people think that whatever they’ve achieved is just luck. As if it wasn’t the years of effort, the late nights, the breakdowns, the sacrifices.

It’s not just about the big things—it's the small ones too. The unnoticed house chores, the extra efforts no one acknowledges, the way we push ourselves every single day.

But here’s what I truly believe—nothing just happens. Nothing is pure luck. It’s the butterfly effect in motion. Think about it. The night you drenched in rain, an extra cup of coffee with your Ex, the one second you were late to that movie, the job you got, the people you sat with, you would have hurted someone and you will be hurted by someone —every single factor led to you, right here, right now, reading this. That’s chaos theory. Sensitivity and even Mathematics.

You might have broken down over something that had absolutely nothing to do with what you’re even chasing in life. I know I did. Last year, I had one of my worst breakdowns—not because of work, not because of career stress, but because of home and a million other things I was just trying to process. It was exhausting, waking up every day and just trying to exist through it. And if you ask me now, did any of that struggle have anything to do with my career or where I am today? No. But did I still suffer in a way that shaped me? Absolutely 100 percent, it did.

And maybe that’s why, in some strange way, when good things finally come, it feels like a balance—like life’s way of making up for the days I barely made it through. People call it luck, but maybe it’s just the universe filling the gaps of the sufferings.

So no, you didn’t just get lucky. You made a million small choices that built this life. And if no one has told you today—you earned this. You deserve this. And if you ever feel like you don’t, remember this: Stay. Stay for the bad choices. Stay till you feel choked and lifeless. Stay for the great ones. Because the universe would notice if you weren’t here. And trust me, so would the people who love you.

Growing up and growing apart?

As i grow older, i find myself thinking a lot about friendships and how they continue to mould me in different ways. And i know there is no end to it, but in spite of chasing something tangible, i feel like i will loose the intangibility in these humans. I hope you get this!? May be, a lot of us will fly to different cities or continents and when i think back, i feel so messed up and so stressed that the reality is literally checking me in everyday. Whats the utility in that when you can have so much fun atleast every weekend with these humans, doing some random shit, pulling each other legs, gossiping all the people who knew and barely know at 2 AM in starbucks?

I was talking about this with my best friend while we were (ironically) writing a test for me, and in the middle of it, I just blurted out—why the fuck am I even doing this? Sure, I might leave, I want to escape this place for now, and i desperately crave to live far away from this house i live, but will it be worth it? When I won’t be there for their lowest moments, and they won’t be there for mine? But looking back, it scares me—because on all the days I was at my worst, there was someone every fucking day checking in, dragging me out, making sure I felt a little better.

And yeah, this career shit—I get it. It’s important. We have to figure it out. But maybe, one day, we’ll meet again, all made up in life, and on that one fucking day, it will make sense.

Happy V month

It was so nice seeing people being so expressive this time around—like, out of all the years, this one felt different. Happy (very belated) Valentine’s Day! Maybe it’s too late to say it, but whatever—here’s my wish for you. I hope you find love that feels infinite, the kind that transcends space, time, and everything in between. But more than anything, I just hope you have fun and feel home—because being in love (in any form) is the best feeling ever.

And to all my fellow singles, I get you (insert crying-laughing emoji here). I promise I won’t hit you with the classic "love will come at the right time” nonsense—because let’s be real, there are no fishes in the sea. But, out of all the blue, i felt content though and i really wanna be single atleast for the next two to three years, build my life, travel a lot, fix my messed up, toxic parts and have fun!

Upon talking with a lot and experiencing stories, i found that LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS are non-complimentary at times. You will love that person forever in your life, may be it won't be easy to forget because unloving is never an option when they have done so much to you (Good or Bad)!? But sometimes some people won't work being in a relationship, and still you love them, but when its trying to take it forward, you just can't. Though it might sound confusing, but reality hits really hard. All it takes is acceptance and just work on you, as somehow life has to move on, right?

A tale of a father, a daughter and a promise bound by love

I knew Interstellar was a big deal, but I never really got around to watching it in IMAX—until now. And somewhere in the middle of the film, as space stretched infinitely across the screen, something just clicked. I sat there, completely overwhelmed, and thought, I love my life. Not in some grand, dramatic way, but in a way that made me feel so small yet so significant at the same time.

We love people who've died, and whats the socialy utility in that? Maybe it means more - something we can't understand, yet. Maybe its some evidence, some artifact of higher dimensions that we can't consciously perceive. I'm drawn across the universe to someone i haven't seen for a decade, who i know is probably dead. Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we cant yet understand it...(My Favourite lines)

GIFTED

I gave a re-watch because of this one video that went on X and probably thought that i should get a daughter like Mary and live a life!

I wake up everyday, watch this edit multiple times and go to sleep (This was my feb routine)

February:

I am not a football fan and i know nothing much about that sport. There is this friend who was explaining me the European leagues and how it works and it was really interesting. I also went to see a football match in Starbucks and it was so good. Lamine Yammal - You look so hot!

I went Kayaking!

I think, after all the chaos - it just flows like it never happened!

Life Without the Scroll

It’s been about seven months since I uninstalled Instagram, and at this point, it’s less of a decision and more of a habit. I try to be there in the last two days of every month, put some stories, and posts. Anytime I get the urge to redownload it, I barely last two days before uninstalling it again (Also, if you see me shamelessly being there in middle of the month, i would have probably come through with my laptop)

My friends, however, hate this. They’ve officially lost their patience with my disappearing act. The number of times I’ve heard, "Just keep the app for once, you absolute menace"(Definitely in Tamil)" is unreal. But honestly? I think it’s kind of sweet how they refuse to give up. Instead of giving in to my nonsense, they’ve found a workaround—spamming me with Instagram reels in links, one after the other. And maybe that’s what I love about it. Social media or not, they still find ways to keep me in the loop.

SONG RECOMMENDATIONS:

Ormakal is that one song, that gives that "Main Character energy".

Thank you for reading till the end, I hope you have a fantastic march. If you can sign up for my newsletter by subscribing below, it means a lot to me, THANK YOU!

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Trust your Gut